


All That Remains

by tintern_abbey (lyricalballads)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Harry Potter is Not the Boy-Who-Lived, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27907051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalballads/pseuds/tintern_abbey
Summary: Lily Potter is the Witch Who Lived, survivor of the Killing Curse, but her fame is bittersweet when she's plagued by thoughts of the man who saved her life: Severus Snape. [Snape/Lily, discontinued]
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago. I'm not sure of the dates exactly, but it would have been written sometime between 2010 and early 2012. For some reason I never posted it, but I figured I might as well let people read it already, rather than let it sit around in my documents and go to waste.
> 
> Unfortunately, this story was never completed. I don't have any intentions of finishing it, but if anybody wants to borrow this idea and take it further, you have my permission. :)

_Godric's Hollow; Christmas Eve, 1981_

"You'll never guess what just arrived," said James, popping his head into the living room.

"Could it be another owl?" said Lily, pretending to be surprised.

"Two owls, actually, with yet another Christmas gift from your admirers. This one's rather a big one; I hope there's a racing broom inside."

"You always hope it's a racing broom, and you've already got one."

James ignored her and brought in the latest parcel, a rectangular present wrapped in bright gold paper, and shrunk it with his wand before placing it under the tree with the dozens of other gifts, all of which had been shrunk so they would fit. Ever since the start of December, presents for the Potter family—mostly for Lily, but there were some for James and Harry as well—had been arriving from countless strangers all over the country.

"Thank goodness for magic," said Lily. "Otherwise we'd need two trees to fit everything under."

Harry, who played on the floor just a few feet away from the presents, reached out his hands and said, "Tree."

Lily watched him from her spot on the couch and absently touched the scar on her forehead that lay hidden beneath her hair. The scar was the reason for all the presents, the reason she and James and Harry were all alive to spend the holidays together. She never really wanted to be famous, even when she was a student at Hogwarts, and yet here she was with a scar on her forehead and a name that was known in every wizarding household.

It still took getting used to.

"Sirius and Remus will be here shortly," said James, breaking through her thoughts. "Dumbledore said he might drop in for tea, but other than that, we'll have a quiet holiday. Or at least as quiet as it can be when you're considered national heroes."

Lily nodded, wishing she could accept her new status as easily as James did. "Christmas is tomorrow already," she mused aloud. "I suppose I ought to start writing thank you cards to everyone who sent gifts."

James murmured his agreement and knelt down on the floor to play with Harry, while Lily remained on the couch and thought back to all of the people who had shown their gratitude for something that Lily really shouldn't take credit for to begin with. No, it was Severus who had made it possible for Lily and her family to enjoy Christmas alive and well, and it was Severus who deserved a thank you card more than all of Lily's holiday gift-givers combined.

But it was Severus who was the most difficult to contact.

Over the last couple of months Lily had tried writing to him, in an attempt to break the ice and be friendly again, but she hadn't been able to find the words. Severus never bothered to contact her either, and sometimes she wondered if she imagined he had arrived on Halloween, and that perhaps he had never really been there at all.

She certainly couldn't talk to James about it; he never mentioned Severus or acknowledged his involvement on Halloween night, and gladly gave Lily all the credit for their survival. And yet sometimes Lily caught him giving her strange looks, like she had some secret he was expecting her to share with him, and she wondered if it was time they discussed their old schoolmate who had vanished into a world of dark magic after leaving Hogwarts.

Perhaps after the holidays. James had Harry in his arms now and brought him to the window, showing him the snow that gently fell, and Lily wouldn't ruin Christmas with topics that were so far buried it was almost like they didn't exist.

Only Lily knew they _did_ exist, and in spite of all that had happened in recent years, Lily couldn't forget the time she was a carefree little girl just learning how to be a witch, and her best friend in the whole world was a dark, mistreated boy from Spinner's End. Unaware of the tiny smile on her lips, Lily used a Summoning Charm to bring her letter-writing kit into the living room. After selecting a simple piece of parchment and loading her quill with ink, she sat poised with her hand at the ready, settling on the only appropriate message she could think of.

_Severus,_

_Hope you have a good Christmas. And thank you for everything._

— _Lily_

Sirius arrived at the house shortly after breakfast and was soon followed by Remus, who looked tired but cheerful as he greeted Lily and James. Sirius made a beeline for Harry, who expressed his delight at seeing his godfather, while Lily poured cups of tea for everyone.

"I thought it would be wise not to bring any gifts," said Remus, grateful for the steaming mug Lily offered him. "I'm sure you've already got more than you know what to do with. I _did_ bring something for Harry, though."

"Is everything quiet outside?" James asked, glancing at the carefully curtained kitchen window.

"Not a soul out there, aside from a couple of Muggles taking a morning stroll," said Remus. "Though I wouldn't be surprised if some of your fans attempt to sneak over here to wish you a happy Christmas in person."

"Have you heard anything from Dumbledore lately?" Lily asked him.

"All I know is that he's been caught up in important business; top secret, apparently. He won't breathe a detail about it to anyone. We'll be lucky if he manages to take the time to drop in."

A loud peal of laughter interrupted them all. Sirius had transformed into a dog for Harry's amusement and trotted across the house while Harry chased after him, laughing all the way. "It's good to have the two of you here, Moony," James murmured, staring into his cup of tea.

Remus and Lily remained silent; they were both aware that their little circle was not complete. Only Peter, who was currently being held in Azkaban, was missing from the group, and everyone felt his absence though no one was brave enough to mention his name. Peter was just living proof that sometimes people weren't what they seemed, and Lily found her thoughts straying to Severus yet again.

She wondered when he would receive the card she sent him yesterday, and what he do with it when he did. Would he toss it aside like it was a spare bit of parchment, or would he keep it in a drawer, perhaps, so he wouldn't lose track of it?

It had been so long since the two of them had a conversation with each other, but Lily couldn't imagine Severus as the type of man who received very many Christmas cards, or any cards at all for that matter. Sometimes she still saw him as that lonely little boy from Spinner's End, who wanted nothing more than to find refuge at Hogwarts and find acceptance, only the type of acceptance he found was the exact opposite of everything Lily stood for.

Why would Severus Snape, a Death Eater, go out of his way to defy his master to the extent of risking his own life? Why would Severus Snape, who lost his friendship with Lily back in their fifth year at Hogwarts, go through the trouble of saving her? And why would Severus Snape, who had obviously gone to great lengths to commit such a feat, simply disappear from her life as if nothing had happened?

Another loud noise, this time a tapping on the kitchen window, came to everyone's attention. A small, dark brown owl was trying to get in and Lily felt a strange surge of hope as James opened the window and let it in. Had Severus decided to contact her at last?

"Probably more fan mail for Lily," said James, grinning at her. "Shall I open it for you?"

"I can manage." Lily reached past James and Remus—rather impatiently, she was ashamed to admit—and took the small envelope that the owl held in its break. She tore the envelope open more quickly than she meant to and found a simple Christmas card that depicted a grove of trees covered with snow that magically fell. Inside the card, however, was an unexpected message:

_I've been meaning to express my gratitude, so I wish you a happy Christmas. And thank you._

— _Regulus Black_

"Something the matter, Lily?" Remus asked.

Lily held the Christmas card from Regulus Black in her hand and debated on whether or not she should show it. The message itself was perfectly harmless, but the fact that a known Death Eater bothered to contact them was a bit worrying, even after Voldemort's defeat.

"It's only a Christmas card," said Lily. After hesitating a moment longer she set the card on the kitchen table so that Remus and James could both see it.

"Regulus," James murmured, reading the signature at the bottom. "What does he want with us?"

Sirius walked into the room, no longer in dog form, and dropped into the seat beside Remus. "I could have sworn I heard the name of my unfortunate brother, but I must have been mistaken."

"Think again," said Remus. He slid the card over so Sirius could read it. "What do you make of that?"

"Express my gratitude," Sirius quoted from the card. "What the bloody hell does my brother want to express his gratitude for? I'm surprised he hasn't fallen into a depression knowing that a Muggleborn and her blood traitor husband survived You-Know-Who's attack."

"When was the last time you even spoke to your brother?" Remus asked.

"I haven't seen the little git since our last year at Hogwarts, and I haven't spoken to him since he smugly informed me that Slytherin had won the Quidditch cup. As if I didn't already know."

"I still don't know how he managed that victory," said James. "He wasn't even a brilliant Seeker."

"You should have knocked him off his broom when you had the chance."

"Believe me, I tried a few times."

Lily took back the Christmas card and frowned at the neat handwriting that made up the message. How strange it was that two Death Eaters had come into her life within a short space of time, and neither of them appeared to have harmful intentions. Despite going to school with him for six years and sharing a house with his older brother, Lily had never spoken a word to Regulus Black and couldn't recall even coming face-to-face with him. She saw him from a distance, though, and remembered him as a small, rather quiet boy who took to hanging around Severus during her last couple of years at Hogwarts, after that disastrous year when Severus called her that horrible word.

"Perhaps Regulus isn't what he seems," she mused out loud. "Perhaps he's had a change of mind."

Sirius let out a humorless laugh. "You don't know my family, Lily. Thank Merlin for that. My brother's goal in life was to make my parents proud by being the perfect, Pureblood maniac who did all he could to be the complete opposite of his disobedient older brother. Perhaps he meant to send a card to one of his Death Eater pals who managed to avoid Azkaban and it ended up here by mistake."

"Unless Lily has a point," said Remus.

"Come off it," said James. "We all know what sort of person Regulus is."

"We all thought we knew what sort of person Peter was," Remus said quietly. "And look how wrong we turned out to be. All I'm saying is that perhaps Sirius' brother didn't go quite so astray, and we should put aside our prejudices now that You-Know-Who has fallen."

"Besides, it's the holidays," said Lily, trying to steer the conversation in a lighter direction. "No sense in holding grudges at Christmas time, is there?"

"Little bugger didn't even send a gift," Sirius muttered.

"Yes, that's a real pity," said James. "Because the one thing I want most in the world is another bloody gift."

Lily held back a smile and attempted to change the subject yet again. "Where's Harry?"

"He fell asleep in the living room after I wore him out," said Sirius. "I can go check on him if you like."

"I'll come with you." James got up from his seat and led Sirius to the living room, leaving Lily and Remus alone at the kitchen table.

"Don't let Pads bring down the holidays," Remus said gently. "He gets very touchy when it comes to his family."

"I know what it's like to have a sibling who's so different from yourself, it's like the two of you are from different planets," said Lily. "If Regulus is attempting to reach out—and I honestly hope he is—then Sirius shouldn't try to discourage him."

"I was never fond of Regulus myself, but it's a curious thing when a Death Eater offers a Muggleborn his thanks. Perhaps the Black family isn't so corrupt after all."

Perhaps the Death Eaters themselves weren't so corrupt after all, but Lily kept that thought to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

_Godric's Hollow; Christmas Eve, 1981_

The four adults had lunch an hour later while Harry flew his toy broomstick in a specially charmed area James had created so he wouldn't break anything. Lily put the card from Regulus out of her mind and comforted herself with the fact that nobody aside from old Bathilda Bagshot, who tottered by to say hello, had approached the house to bestow holiday greetings upon the Witch Who Lived and her family.

"I assume the two of you will be spending the night?" James asked Remus and Sirius. "I know Harry will love waking up to the sight of his favorite uncles."

Remus nodded in agreement, and Sirius swallowed his bite of ham sandwich so he could speak. "I'm spending most of the day with you lot tomorrow, but around noon I'm popping in to see my cousin Andromeda. She told me to bring an extra gift, but as far as I know she and Ted have only got little Dora. Unless she's got guests she didn't bother to tell me about."

"Well, we've got plenty of presents to spare," said Lily. "You can pick out whatever you like after we've opened them all."

A firm but polite knock sounded at the door and James got up to answer it, catching Lily's eye with an expression that betrayed both of their fears. Perhaps their peaceful time was too good to last.

"Dumbledore!" James' delighted voice said a moment later. "We were afraid you wouldn't make it."

"And pass up the opportunity to have young Harry tug on my beard for the hundredth time?" said Dumbledore's voice. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Come on in. We're just finishing up lunch, but I'm sure there's extras lying around."

James reappeared in the kitchen momentarily, followed by Dumbledore in his typical long robes and purple cloak, and Remus conjured up an extra chair for their guest to sit in. "I haven't seen the rest of the Order in nearly a fortnight," said Remus. "I heard you're conducting business without us." His tone was somewhere between curious and accusing.

"That particular business is of a very delicate nature," Dumbledore replied. "I'm afraid I can't say any more until all possible threats have been eliminated."

"Threats?" Lily echoed. "Does this have anything to do with Voldemort?" There had once been a time when she had feared his name as much as anyone else, but after facing Voldemort himself face-to-face the name came to her lips easily.

"There are mysteries about Voldemort I am still unraveling, but I assure you he will no longer harm you or your family, Lily."

"He wasn't fully destroyed, then. You hinted at that before."

"He grows closer to mortality as we speak. That is all I can say on the matter at this time." Dumbledore's blue eyes flickered towards the Christmas card from Regulus, which Lily had left upon the kitchen table, and turned his head towards Sirius. "And as for you, Mr. Black, you would do best to trust your younger brother."

Sirius' mouth dropped open but he couldn't seem to find anything to say, while Dumbledore's normally twinkling eyes turned solemn. "Blood is something we all take for granted, I'm afraid. There are broken family ties that can never be repaired, but now is a better time than any other to hold onto whatever can be salvaged."

"Of course," Sirius murmured, still looking a bit stunned.

"Now, where has Harry Potter been hiding himself?" asked Dumbledore, transitioning into a lighter mood so naturally, it was like his previous mood had never existed.

"He ought to still be in the living room," said Lily. "Let me take you to him."

James started to get up, but Lily gave him a look that told him to stay put and showed Dumbledore to the living room by herself. Harry had grown tired of his toy broomstick and sat upon the floor playing with his stuffed unicorn, but he dropped the toy as soon as he saw Dumbledore and his mother approaching. "Dore!" he cried happily, reaching his arms out to Dumbledore.

"Hello, Harry," said Dumbledore. He adjusted his half-moon spectacles and scooped up Harry in his arms. "I trust your Christmas Eve is going well."

Harry responded by grabbing a fistful of Dumbledore's bright silver beard.

"Just as I thought," Dumbledore said good-naturedly.

"Dumbledore's beard is not a toy, Harry," said Lily, more out of habit than anything else. "Dumbledore, would you mind if spoke to you in private?"

"A nice pair of woolen socks will do nicely as a Christmas present, preferably in magenta or midnight blue," he replied. "Unless, of course, this is a much more serious matter. In that case I give you my full attention."

Lily took Harry, who tried to make another hopeless grab at Dumbledore's beard, and lowered her voice. "It's rather personal. I can't ask in front of James."

"You have my strictest confidence, Lily."

They sat upon the living room couch with Harry between them, while James, Remus, and Sirius' voice floated from the kitchen, rising in volume every now and then. Lily fussed with a strand of her hair, wrapping it around and around her finger while trying to decide what to say. "This might sound a bit strange, but have you heard anything of Severus Snape recently?"

Dumbledore looked at her calmly, seemingly unperturbed by her question. "Severus Snape has been teaching at Hogwarts for some time now, therefore I hear of him every day, in a manner of speaking."

"What? _Hogwarts?_ But he's... He's a..."

"I know what he is and once was, and I trust him completely."

"Whose side is he on, anyway? I can't figure it out."

"That isn't my story to tell," said Dumbledore, his face impossible to read. "Severus ceased being a Death Eater the moment he realized a great mistake, and he has been on our side ever since. If you ever meet with him perhaps he'll give you the details, and perhaps not."

"You're being very mysterious," Lily murmured. "Why did he arrive at my home on Halloween, and how did I survive the attack? I still don't understand it in the least bit."

"I wish I understood it myself, but I'm afraid that's a matter beyond you and me."

"What about Severus? Have you asked him about it?"

"Severus can be more close-mouthed than the entire Department of Mysteries. He has successfully evaded the topic since I first brought it up nearly two months ago."

"I sent him a Christmas card," Lily blurted out. "Just this morning. It wasn't much; just a line about Christmas and a simple thanks."

The corner of Dumbledore's mouth twitched a bit. "I'm sure he will be happy to receive it."

"Do you really think so? We haven't spoken properly in ages."

"I think that in order to find the answers you seek, you had best ask Severus himself. He's the only person who might understand what happened that night."

Lily had always liked her old headmaster. He was a discreet man who never passed judgement, and she valued his advice. "Thank you, Dumbledore. I'll need some time to think this over."

"Severus will never know that this conversation took place," Dumbledore assured her.

"Thank you," Lily said again. It was quickly turning into the most interesting Christmas she had ever had.

* * *

_Godric's Hollow; Christmas Day, 1981_

Lily woke up from the usual nightmare and gasped aloud as she opened her eyes. Blinking at the dull winter sunlight that filtered through the window, she realized she was in her bedroom, perfectly safe, and that it was Christmas morning, not Halloween night. After nearly two months had passed, she still had nightmares about Voldemort at least once a week and knew that James had them too, and she immediately found James' hand under the blanket so she could grab onto it. He squeezed her hand, proving he was awake, and Lily began to relax.

"Bad dream?" James murmured.

"Yes," said Lily.

"Let's go see Harry. I'm sure he's eager to rip into all those shiny parcels that have been piling up over the weeks."

Fetching Harry was just enough to banish all thoughts of Halloween night and by the time she and James brought him out to the living room, it was like Lily's nightmare had never happened. Remus and Sirius soon joined them in front of the Christmas tree and watched as James unshrunk each present and allowed Harry to eagerly rip the paper off.

The wizarding world had sent them every kind of gift imaginable, from Honeyduke's sweets to dress robes to wand polishing kits. To James' triumph there was even a racing broom, the latest Nimbus model, and Sirius immediately asked to have a go on it after breakfast. Harry was delighted with the gifts from his two uncles—an alphabet book filled with moving, talking pictures from Remus and a set of toy Quidditch balls from Sirius.

"The balls are soft so they won't hurt Harry," Sirius explained. "And look, they're charmed to fly no more than three feet off the ground, perfect to go with his broomstick."

"It looks like somebody has got my son's career planned out for him already," said James.

"Can't hurt to start him on the right path early," said Sirius. "Somebody needs to make sure the Slytherins at Hogwarts lose the Quidditch cup, after all."

"Well, with help from myself and Sirius, you can guarantee that Harry will be both athletic and educated," said Remus.

"And we're grateful," Lily assured him, grabbing the piece of wrapping paper that Harry was attempting to eat. "Thank you."

Harry fell asleep not long afterwards and Lily put him to bed with the large, dragon-shaped pillow he had received from a well-wisher, then prepared breakfast for four people.

"Have we got any post this morning?" she asked James after sitting down to eat.

"Isn't there always?" said James. "I set it all on the counter."

Lily summoned the post with her wand and set aside the morning _Daily Prophet_ , which Remus immediately picked up, and went through the usual stack of envelopes. She didn't know why it mattered so much, but she couldn't help searching for Severus' name as she opened up each letter and read signature after signature. She was disappointed; nothing from Severus, and she realized how silly it was for her to send him a Christmas card in the first place. Clearly he wanted nothing to do with her if he couldn't even bother to send her a holiday greeting in return.

But then why did he bother to save her life?

* * *

_Hogwarts School; Christmas Day, 1981_

Severus did not expect an eventful Christmas, and his expectations proved to be correct. Aside from an errant firework on the third floor caused by a Hufflepuff boy, the castle was thankfully quiet due to most of the students being home for the holidays. Severus woke up to a handful of polite gifts from his colleagues, no doubt sent out of obligation, and spent the rest of his morning grading a stack of truly awful Potions essays from the Gryffindor fourth years.

He wished his thoughts were just as uneventful, but his mind kept straying to a card he kept locked in a desk drawer in his office. It had been locked up ever since he received it, or else he would probably be tempted to take it out and look at it every other hour, and Severus wouldn't stoop to such insensible behavior.

He couldn't forget that the sender of the card was no longer Lily Evans, but Lily _Potter_ , of all things, and no matter how much time passed he couldn't get used to it. And she was famous now; all the more reason for Severus to keep to himself now that he had done his duty of keeping her alive.

He bet Potter enjoyed having a famous wife, as if his ego needed any more of an increase. Potter had always been an attention seeker and it probably delighted him to no end seeing his name in the papers on a regular basis.

Severus realized his hands were clenched into fists and forced himself to relax. He wouldn't let thoughts of Potter ruin his Christmas day.

A soft knock on the door of his office provided Severus with the distraction he needed, and when he opened the door he found Dumbledore standing on the other side of it.

"Albus," Severus greeted, keeping his thoughts and feelings carefully hidden.

"Happy Christmas, Severus," said Albus, blue eyes twinkling behind his spectacles as he entered the dark office. "I trust you are well?"

"Well as I'll ever be," Severus said drily.

Albus took a seat and motioned for Severus to do the same, then fixed Severus with his calm, unwavering gaze that always meant something significant was at hand. "I must leave the castle for a few days on important business. I'm leaving Hogwarts in your care until I return."

"And I assume you won't be telling me where you are going."

"You and I both know that discretion is key at the moment. You are the only person I have told about the true nature of this business, Severus. I come to you now with the same question I asked you a month ago: is there anything you remember, anything at all, that can aid me?"

"I will need some time to think on it," said Severus. "When do you depart?"

"Tomorrow morning. Come up to my office after the feast this evening and we'll talk more on this matter."

"I don't see why you don't just bring me along on these—"

"You know I already have an ally to accompany me," Dumbledore interrupted gently. "And I won't betray his identity unless he gives me permission to do so."

Severus fell silent, though he allowed his face to reveal exactly how he felt on the matter.

"I will summon for you after the feast," said Dumbledore. "In the meantime, take care, and try to socialize a bit. It is the holidays, after all."

Severus could have sworn he saw a mischievous gleam in Dumbledore's eyes, but he dismissed it as Dumbledore got up and exited the office. Alone once more, he picked up a stack of first year's essays, which were surely more horrible than any drivel the most imbecilic fourth years could possibly concoct, and threw the stack back down in disgust. The grading could wait.

Instead he paced his office for a good five minutes, thinking over Dumbledore's parting words, then sat down and began to write a letter.


	3. Chapter 3

_The Tonks Household; Christmas Day, 1981_

"Uncle Sirius!" Nymphadora hurtled towards Sirius at full speed and crashed into his knees. "I haven't seen you in ages!" Her hair promptly turned a bright yellow color, expressing her delight as Sirius bent down to give her a hug.

"Uncle Sirius has been living a busy life, Dora," Sirius told her. "But I wouldn't dream of missing out on Christmas."

"Mummy has been busy too. Want me to go get her?"

Sirius gave his consent and waited in the front hall while Dora took off running to fetch her parents. Andromeda soon appeared, looking tired, and greeted Sirius with a warmth Sirius had never received from his immediate family, and was followed by Ted, who clapped Sirius on the back and offered him a glass of wine.

"I'm parched," said Sirius. "Lead the way."

"How are Lily and James?" Andromeda asked as she led Sirius to the living room, which contained a brightly decorated tree and a few scattered items that likely belonged to Dora.

"They're holding up well," Sirius replied. "Still a bit shaken after all these weeks and the fame takes getting used to, but they're relieved they don't have to be in hiding anymore."

"I heard Rita Skeeter wants to write a book about Lily," said Andromeda.

Sirius grimaced. "That's enough to send her and James back into hiding."

He accepted the glass of wine Ted offered him and was just about to relax, when Dora pounced into his lap and nearly spilled his drink on the living room couch.

"Careful, Dora," Ted warned her.

"Uncle Sirius, guess what?" Dora asked.

"What?" said Sirius.

"Did you know that I have a cousin?"

"No, I didn't."

"I didn't either! But he's here now and Mummy says he has to live with us. You wanna see him?"

Sirius shot a disconcerted look at Andromeda, who sighed and shook her head at Dora. "Well, I would have to tell you sooner or later, Sirius. Best to have it out now, I suppose."

"Have what out now?" Sirius asked, though he suspected he knew the answer already.

"Come on!" Dora, whose hair was now an electric shade of blue, grabbed Sirius by the hand and tugged him off the couch. She led him to the guest bedroom, a room he had stayed in many times on his visits to the Tonks household, while Andromeda trailed behind and warned Dora not to make too much noise. As soon as the door swung open Sirius' suspicions were confirmed; the room had been set up for a very young child and playing upon the floor was a little boy who looked the same age as Harry.

A little boy with white-blonde hair and gray eyes that stared up at Sirius as he entered the room.

"Dromeda," Sirius said quietly. "Why is Lucius Malfoy's brat in your house?"

"His parents are both in Azkaban," said Andromeda. "I'm his closest living relative who hasn't been locked up behind bars. My sister may have turned her back on my existence, but I'm not going to let a little boy be abandoned because of a family feud."

"See, Uncle Sirius?" said Dora, tugging on his hand again. "This is Draco. I'm trying to teach him how to play chess, but he almost ate one of the pieces."

Sirius watched Draco Malfoy toddle over to Dora and couldn't see past the fact that he greatly resembled his father, who had been arrested the month before. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Dromeda?"

"Ted and I are going to raise him right," Andromeda assured him. "You'll see."

"This has been a strange holiday," said Sirius. "You'll never guess who sent a Christmas card to Lily and James yesterday."

"Who was it?"

"Your dear cousin Regulus."

"That _is_ strange. Has he contacted you at all?"

"Fortunately he hasn't. Regulus and I have nothing to say to each other, no matter whose side he's on."

Holidays or not, Sirius wasn't ready to embrace his unfortunate family members and didn't think he ever would be.

* * *

_Godric's Hollow; Christmas Evening, 1981_

Sirius had decided to spend the night at his cousin Andromeda's house, leaving Remus with the guest room to himself. Harry, who had already eaten, was in the living room playing with his toy Quidditch set while his parents and Remus sat down to dinner, and Lily noticed a dark owl hovering at the window. At first she thought it belonged to Regulus Black, but a closer inspection revealed it to be an entirely different owl.

Excusing herself from the table, Lily let the owl in and watched it shake snowflakes off of its feathers while a letter sat clenched in its beak. The moment Lily took the envelope in her hand, the owl stretched its wings and headed back outside, clearly not expecting a reply.

Lily's first name alone was written upon the envelope and she thought she recognized the slanted, somewhat scribbled handwriting.

"Anything important?" James called out from the dinner table.

"No," Lily said a little too quickly. She stuffed the letter into her pocket and rejoined James and Remus at the table.

"Still trying to find a job, Moony?" James asked.

"I've thought about teaching," said Remus. "Now that the Wolfsbane Potion has been proven to be reliable, perhaps I could convince Dumbledore that I'll be safe enough to work at Hogwarts."

"You, a teacher?" James teased. "Planning to impose your authority on unruly students like myself and Sirius? Hoping that your good influence will actually have an effect this time?"

"I don't think it's possible for any other students to be as unruly as you and Sirius were, so I think my good influence won't be wasted this time around. If I'm bold enough to apply for a job, that is."

"Dumbledore wouldn't turn you away. Wasn't he the one who went to great lengths to admit you into Hogwarts in the first place? Nobody needs to know about your furry little problem."

"I won't be able to teach anytime soon, of course. Not until next term is over, at the very least."

James laid a hand on top of Remus', his eyes entirely serious. "If you ever need a place to stay, you're welcome here. Right, Lily?"

Lily had remained silent throughout the conversation, her thoughts occupied with the letter stored in her pocket. "Yes, of course," she said automatically.

Remus shook his head. "I would never want to impose—"

"You wouldn't be imposing," James interrupted. "You're welcome to hole yourself up in a castle all year round if you like, but in the meantime let's enjoy ourselves while we can. I don't want to lose any more of my friends, Moony."

Remus fell silent, staring down at his plate, while thoughts of Peter's betrayal likely flickered through his mind. Lily, who had finished eating, excused herself from the table again and briefly ruffled James' hair as she passed him. "I'll leave you two to sort this out."

As soon as she was alone she checked on Harry, who had fallen asleep, and closed herself up in her room so she could read her letter.

_Lily,_

_Circumstances between us have not been desirable these last few years, but I appreciate the Christmas card. Hopefully if we meet again, the situation will be much more favorable._

— _Severus_

That was it. Brief and to the point, without any sentiment, which was so typical of the Severus she remembered.

She wished the whole exchange didn't feel so awkward. If circumstances were different and certain events hadn't happened, Lily would be holding a letter from her best and oldest friend, instead of a former acquaintance she hardly knew anymore. She would summon her quill and parchment to write out a nice reply about her holiday, instead of sitting on her bed and wondering what to do.

Dumbledore's words echoed back to her, about how she should question Severus himself if she wanted to know what happened on Halloween night, and she debated on whether or not she should ask right then and there.

"Lily?" James' voice called out. "We're having dessert in a minute!"

Lily took one last look at the parchment unfolded in her lap and placed it in a box where she kept all her letters, then headed out to the kitchen.

* * *

_Hogwarts School; New Year's Eve, 1981_

Severus knew it was foolish to keep an eye on the post every day. It wasn't like he was expecting anything aside from his _Daily Prophet_ subscription, shipments of potions ingredients, and notes from Dumbledore. Having the nerve to write a brief letter that really said nothing at all did not guarantee him a response, especially when he didn't encourage one in the first place, and Lily may have started the whole thing but it didn't mean she was obligated to continue it.

But perhaps Lily wasn't the one who truly started it. Severus supposed that he himself was the one who started everything when he showed up at the Potter's home on the night of Halloween. Even now, he still felt the pain of the Dark Lord's curse when he lay awake during the cold winter nights, and he knew that his old master was not as defeated as most wizards and witches were willing to believe. Everything Dumbledore had told him was solid proof of that.

Even now, after knowing that Lily was perfectly alive and well, he still worried about her safety. If the Dark Lord were to somehow return, Lily would be immediately in danger, and Severus didn't know if he would be lucky enough to save her a second time. Not unless he saw Dumbledore and insisted on taking an active part in his "important business" before it was too late.

His mind made up, Severus strode out of the dungeons and headed up to the headmaster's office, nearly tripping over Filch's horrible cat on the way there. Dumbledore had no reason to exclude him from a mission that Severus knew most of the details of anyway, and Severus may not be able to provide much information but he could surely be useful in other ways.

Unless Dumbledore simply didn't trust him as much as Severus had been led to believe, but that thought was too unpleasant to consider.

Severus was about to give the password to the stone gargoyle that stood outside of Dumbledore's office, when the gargoyle moved aside on its own and allowed a wizard to walk through the entrance.

He was slightly built, with dark hair and a face that Severus immediately recognized as he looked into his serious gray eyes.

"Regulus," said Severus, unable to suppress his astonishment. "What on earth are you doing _here_ of all places?"

* * *

_The Tonks Household; New Year's Eve, 1981_

Sirius found himself visiting Andromeda again and brought a large box of chocolate frogs for Dora, which caused Dora to proclaim him as her favorite uncle. Andromeda hugged him warmly and asked after his well-being, as usual, while Dora eagerly tore into her box of sweets.

"I imagine these are the most relaxing holidays you've had in years, Dromeda," said Sirius. "What with both of your sisters in prison and all."

"Years?" said Andromeda. "More like my entire life. It's about time somebody managed to put Bellatrix where she belongs."

Sirius lowered his voice while Dora showed off her new chocolate frog cards to her father. "Are you still looking after Malfoy's kid?"

"Of course. I know you don't like the idea, but try to put Lucius and Narcissa out of your mind and remember that he's only a little boy. Draco doesn't even know what blood status _is,_ let alone care about it."

"You don't know how he'll turn out when he's older."

"Exactly," said Andromeda. "He has a chance to turn out decent. My only concern is that his only playmate is an eight-year-old girl. Nymphadora loves him, but she has a tendency to roughhouse. Draco's parents spoiled him terribly and I'm hoping he'll grow out of that if he plays with children his own age."

"I'm afraid to hear the rest of this conversation," Sirius muttered.

"It might be good for Draco if he's taken to Lily and James' house to play with Harry. They're the same age."

"Dromeda, I believe you've gone mad. Are you forgetting that Harry is the son of the Witch Who Lived?"

Andromeda had the determined gleam in her eyes that Sirius recognized all too well. She had always been the type to do whatever she had her heart set on, no matter what anyone else thought, and Sirius knew he had lost the battle before it even began. "Sirius, we have the chance to turn the product of Death Eaters into something good. Draco is my nephew and you may not want to admit it, but you're related to him too."

"I'll speak to Lily and James, if that's what you really want."

"Thank you."

Sirius checked the time; seven more hours until the year ended and a new one began. 1981 had been the most nerve-wracking year of his life and he was more than ready to see it depart.

"Have you heard from Regulus at all?" Andromeda asked.

"Of course not," said Sirius. "Have you?"

"No. I was just curious, is all."

"How he managed to avoid Azkaban is a miracle. I thought he would have been rounded up with his favorite cousins."

Andromeda took Sirius' hand and gave it a squeeze. "Perhaps he and his favorite cousins are not so alike."


	4. Chapter 4

_Godric's Hollow; New Year's Eve, 1981_

Lily watched the clock on the wall and took a swig of butterbeer. Twenty minutes until midnight and she could say goodbye to the year 1981, which had given her nothing but headaches, fear, and assorted surprises.

She couldn't decide if one particular surprise was good or bad, and decided that the surprises Severus had brought her were a mixture of the two. It had been a week since she received his short letter and she still hadn't pushed herself to reply, though she often found herself musing on what she would say to him when she finally put quill to parchment.

Another minute ticked past on the clock, bringing the new year ever closer.

They were gathered in the living room—Lily, James, Remus, and Sirius—drinking bottles of butterbeer while Harry slept in his room, and once again Lily was aware that their circle was incomplete. What could possibly cause a person like Peter Pettigrew to go horribly astray to the point of betraying his closest friends, and why didn't Lily ever suspect anything? If Severus hadn't arrived when he had—

But of course, there were a hundred questions about Severus as well. Questions that Lily would never find answers to unless she met him face-to-face.

"You'll never guess what Andromeda said to me when I saw her earlier," said Sirius.

"You're adopted?" said James.

"I wish. No, she asked if her delightful, Death Eater-raised nephew could come over and play with Harry sometime. I told her it was a ridiculous idea."

"I don't think that's fair, Sirius," Lily murmured.

"Lily, you know perfectly well why Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy are currently in Azkaban," said Sirius. "Their son will probably end up there as well when he grows up."

"Their son is the same age as Harry. I don't like his parents any more than you do, but I doubt a little boy who's still learning to walk and talk is capable of having Death Eater tendencies."

Sirius looked to James and Remus for backup, but Remus just shook his head at him. "I think Lily's right," he said. "It can't possibly hurt to let a little boy come over for a bit, in spite of his unfortunate family background. The kid can't help who his parents are, just like I can't help being a werewolf."

"It's all up to Harry," James decided. "If he likes this Draco boy, then so be it, and if not, then Sirius will get his way."

That seemed to settle it, and the conversation drifted off onto other topics, such as the Order of the Phoenix and what its various members might be up to. Now that Voldemort had lost his power and the dark days had passed, the wizarding world was gradually pulling out of wartime, but nobody close to Dumbledore believed that the danger had truly passed. Lily drifted into her own thoughts once more and decided right then and there that she would write to Severus first thing tomorrow morning.

If Peter Pettigrew, a Gryffindor, was capable of turning to Voldemort, then surely anything was possible, and perhaps there was more to Severus than Lily knew.

The clock struck midnight at last, and James squeezed her hand while Sirius raised his butterbeer in the air, cheering all the while. "Well," said Lily, squeezing James back, "let's hope that 1982 is a better year."

* * *

_Hogwarts School; New Year's Day, 1982_

Severus could hardly believe that out of all the witches and wizards in the world, Regulus Black was the one who was helping Dumbledore on his important business. Regulus, who was mediocre in everything he did, had apparently been clever enough to discover the Dark Lord's secret and pass that information on to Dumbledore. Severus himself had not even come close to managing such a feat, and the realization that Regulus was probably more valuable to Dumbledore made his New Year's holiday a bitter one.

The students were not due back for another couple of days, leaving Severus with nothing to do but plan lessons and pretend that he didn't anticipate the post. It had been a week since he wrote to Lily and it was highly unlikely that she would reply to him after so many days of silence, yet he foolishly kept waiting anyway.

He had only meant to keep her alive, not open old wounds and attempt to rekindle an acquaintance that had died years ago. As long as she was married to Potter, Lily wasn't worth associating with, and if Severus could take back the letter he wrote he would gladly do so.

After his afternoon meal in the Great Hall, Severus was disappointed once more at the sight of no letters, though he knew all along not to expect any, and headed back to his office to catch up on some reading. A surprise waited for him when he opened the door.

Regulus Black was sitting calmly behind his desk, as if he had every right to be there, and immediately conjured up a second chair.

"Severus," he said. "Have a seat."

Severus remained standing in the doorway, hoping to appear condescending. "I would, but it appears my seat is already occupied. I'm surprised the Ministry hasn't ordered your removal from the premises."

A corner of Regulus' mouth turned up slightly. "I have Dumbledore's protection while I'm under this roof. He told me to speak with you."

"He should have notified me beforehand."

"Have a seat," Regulus repeated. "We'll switch chairs, whatever makes you happy. I know you're just as eager as I am to bring down our former master once and for all, and now that you've discovered my role in Dumbledore's plans, I believe the two of us can collaborate."

Severus' interest was piqued; by himself he could provide Dumbledore with only minimal amounts of information, since he knew nothing of Horcruxes or the Dark Lord's involvement with them, but perhaps conversing with a fellow former Death Eater could trigger something. He reclaimed his rightful seat behind his desk, determined to have the upper hand, and watched Regulus take the opposite seat with that air of infuriating haughtiness all the Blacks seemed to possess.

"Dumbledore tells me that three of the Horcruxes have been destroyed," said Severus. "A ring, a locket, and a cup."

"Yes. I believe that an object was given to Lucius Malfoy by the Dark Lord before he fell," said Regulus. "His home was searched thoroughly after his arrest, but no suspicious objects were confiscated. He must have hidden them well."

"Lucius never told me about any particular object."

"But you knew him much better than I did, Severus. I was hoping you would point me in a useful direction."

"I assume you consulted Dumbledore and found nothing but dead ends?"

Regulus smiled in a self-satisfied way that reminded Severus of his horrible brother Sirius. "Actually, I chose to consult you first on the matter of Lucius Malfoy. Dumbledore can't possibly understand Death Eater matters as well as you can."

"And now you flatter me. You always were a flatterer, Regulus."

"All the better to stay in mum and dad's good books, of course. Not that it did me any favors in the end."

"Lucius Malfoy had a house-elf," said Severus. "I suggest you start there."

"Lucius lost his temper with Dobby and accidentally freed him a week before the arrest. If he had been a little more respectful towards his family servant, I would have likely become Dobby's new master."

"Well I suggest you find the elf. He'll answer to his former mistress' cousin and might tell you something of value."

Regulus nodded, still managing to look haughty while doing so. "I'll contact you the moment I find anything. This new year isn't going to be anything like the old one if I can help it."

Having nothing more to say on the matter, he left the office, leaving Severus to remain at his desk and ruminate upon all that had happened recently. He remained at his desk for half an hour, reading and working, when he was interrupted by an owl at the window.

Severus couldn't help a slight twinge of relief, mixed in with a guilty satisfaction, at the sight of the familiar owl. He let it in long enough to accept the letter it carried, then settled down in his chair to read the long-awaited sheet of parchment.

_Severus,_

_I apologize for the length of time it took to reply to you. Dumbledore has given me reason to trust you, so I would like to arrange a meeting, perhaps at Hogwarts, if you have time to spare. I have questions that have plagued me for more than two months now and I believe you are the one person who can help me answer them._

_Hope your New Year is going well._

— _Lily_

The letter was brief and polite, lacking the personal vibrancy and character Severus remembered from letters she had written to him in the past. Of course, the two of them had been estranged for years now and he was sure their newly started correspondence felt just as strange to her as it did to him, but at least she had the decency to use her first name only. Severus wouldn't have been able to bear it if he received a letter from Lily with _Potter's_ name on it.

Severus read through the note again and considered what it meant. Lily wanted to see him, actually _see_ him in person, and she wanted to know why he did what he did on Halloween night. How could he possibly tell her his reasons when she had Potter's last name, became famous overnight, and felt farther away than she ever had before?

It was dangerous to let Lily back into his life, and yet Severus knew that he could never refuse her.

Anything she wanted from him, she would get, regardless of who she was married to, and Severus supposed that was the most dangerous part of all.

* * *

_Hogwarts School, January 1982_

Lily hadn't visited the Hogwarts grounds since her last year as a student, and the castle looked the same as ever as she walked through its stony corridors, taking the familiar path to the dungeons she had traveled seven years in a row. Even stranger than being back at her old school was the fact that she couldn't wrap her mind around Severus being a _teacher_ , of all things. Back in the old days, before the rift grew between them, Severus had never expressed any desire to teach, though Lily supposed her memories weren't an adequate basis for current events. According to Dumbledore, Severus had made a drastic turnaround, after all.

The students had recently returned from their Christmas holidays and Lily passed a few of them, feeling awkward. Last time she had walked these halls she had worn black robes just like the children she passed, adorned with her red-and-gold scarf that distinguished her as a Gryffindor.

Last time Lily had walked these halls, she and Severus weren't on speaking terms.

She reached the office that had once belonged to Professor Slughorn and immediately tapped upon the door before she lost her nerve. It was Saturday; the students were free from lessons and she had owled Severus right before her arrival, but she still felt like she was intruding, and that feeling only increased when the door swung open and Severus appeared before her.

"Lily." Severus' black eyes looked her up and down, his face unreadable. "You look... well."

"Hello, Severus," said Lily. "Or should I say Professor?"

A flicker of something—perhaps annoyance—crossed Severus' face. "I would never ask you to call me that."

"I would have never expected you to take Slughorn's place. You seemed to have higher aspirations, as far as I knew."

Lily hadn't meant to sound accusing, but the bitterness entered her words all the same. Severus looked stung for just a moment before he composed his face into a blank mask, and Lily wished she could disappear as he moved aside so she could cross the threshold.

"The two of us have a lot to discuss, as you obviously know," said Severus. "Why don't you have a seat?"

Lily realized that this was the first time she had been completely alone with Severus since her fifth year at Hogwarts, when Severus had stood outside the Gryffindor portrait hole threatening to sleep there. So much had happened since they went their separate ways, so much had changed for the both of them, and here they both were, facing each other once more. If Lily had felt awkward before, her current feelings were borderline excruciating.

She didn't know how long Severus had been teaching, but he had certainly wasted no time turning Slughorn's cheery office into a dark, austere room that lacked color and personalization. Lily sat down upon a stiff chair and watched Severus prepare two goblets of wine.

"Let me get this out of the way first," she said cautiously. "You've really, truly switched sides? Over to ours, I mean?"

"I assure you that I am entirely on your side, Lily," said Severus. Something about the way he looked at her when he said "your" sent a strange prickle up Lily's spine, but she chose to ignore it.

"Is that why you have this job? To show loyalty to Dumbledore?"

"You are as persistent as ever. But that is a matter between Dumbledore and myself."

"Fair enough. _"_

They looked at each other over the desk, which was piled with potions books and stacks of parchment, and Lily took a nervous sip of wine.

"You said you had questions," said Severus, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I did," Lily admitted, though she found it difficult to recall what exactly she wanted to say.

"Well I can't give you answers unless you ask for them."

Lily was strongly reminded of their early years at school together, when they sat side-by-side in Potions class and Severus always insisted that he wouldn't just "give" Lily the answers because he wanted her to learn. It was astounding to think of what simple times they had once lived in.

"Why did you save me?" The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could give them any thought. "On Halloween night. What made you show up and do what you did?"

"Fame clearly isn't everything," Severus said dryly. "I thought the answer to that would have been obvious."

"If it was obvious, I wouldn't have asked you."

"It is clear that I acted on Dumbledore's orders."

Lily frowned at that. "Then why didn't Dumbledore just say so when I asked him?"

"I already told you, there are personal matters between myself and Dumbledore that he has sworn not to repeat to anyone."

"Well then why did Dumbledore choose you to carry out this task? I imagine he's powerful enough to do it himself."

"Yes, but he does not possess my extensive knowledge and understanding of the dark arts," Severus replied calmly. "I was the only person fit for the job."

Lily found his answers believable enough, and yet something didn't feel quite right. She studied Severus' face carefully, but couldn't detect any sign that he was trying to deceive her. "But how did you accomplish this job?" she asked. "Was it a spell of some sort?"

"Shouldn't it be enough that you pulled through with your life intact?" said Severus.

"Of course not. That night was horrible. Horrible for everyone involved, including you. Why, you suffered the Cruciatus Curse right in front of my eyes."

"And _you_ would have suffered a much worse fate if I hadn't."

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Lily demanded, refusing to give up.

"I believe you are attempting to read too much into my words, Lily. A habit I would greatly advise against."

He was hiding something from her; that much was obvious. Lily had asked the questions that had been on her mind for more than two months now, but she felt no closer to the truth than she did on Halloween. "We're on the same side now," she said quietly. Strangely enough, the urge to call him "Sev" was right on the edge of her tongue, but she forced that urge back. "I wish you would be more open."

"I have nothing to be open about," said Severus. "You force me to repeat myself, so I will tell you again that I acted upon Dumbledore's orders."

"Well I'm not talking to Dumbledore. I'm talking to _you_ , Severus. I was hoping you would help me understand what had happened."

"You haven't experienced any... adverse side effects due to the attack, have you?" Severus asked, somewhat to her surprise.

"Well, no," said Lily. "Aside from the scar, of course. And the nightmares."

"Nightmares?"

Lily suddenly wished she could take back her words. "I often have horrid dreams about Halloween night. I haven't figured out how to stop them." She didn't mention that James suffered the same problem.

"I will brew up a potion for you," Severus decided promptly.

"Oh, no, you don't need to—"

"I insist. I give my word that I will not poison you, if that is what you're afraid of."

Lily felt herself flush. "I know you wouldn't poison me."

"The matter is settled then."

Lily agreed to come back and pick up the potion the next day, and bid Severus a polite farewell. They had nothing more to say to each other.


End file.
